CNF Essay Invention

So far, in my journal I have written a lot about my brother Robert.  A lot of feelings, dreams and events in my life lately revolve around him.  Previously this year he was in a major car accident, and then fell into legal trouble and lost many friends when our local newspaper published his picture before he was officially charged with anything.  Three weeks ago he tried to kill himself.  It caused my father to relapse violently and as soon as my brother was released, my dad took his place in the psychiatric ward and only was just released himself.

The day I found it out about the attempted suicide, I had been sitting there with the phone in my hand becoming more and more distraught as I was told what had happened, when I realized there was a pigeon sitting next to me complacently.  Its feathers on its chest and wing had been all jacked up.  When I went to an office to ask them to call campus police to collect the animal they laughed in my face and told me they weren't going to send over someone for a stupid bird.  I ended up calling CP myself and they notified animal control to collect the bird.

I felt like I would want to connect the two stories that happened almost simultaneously and turn it into a piece of how sick I am of the society that failed my brother and this defenseless animal.  Rob has lived his life for other people even when it was a detriment to himself and my family.  We came not to count as he vied for the affection of friends who ultimately abandoned him.  The same friends part of the same society that failed that bird and said "no, no one cares about you, you're just not important enough."

But I'm part of that too.  I'm sick of myself.  I'm two hours away from a sibling I should have been there to protect and reguide.  Somewhere along the line, as he got taller than me, as he drew away from us, as he easily acquired more recognition and more friends than I had, I decided he didn't need me anymore and I left his life in a way.  I should have stayed to beat sense into him and I didn't.  I worried about myself just like everyone else seems to do and went away to school and I don't hear from him anymore.  I'm just sick to death of it.

But I just don't know yet how to compose it.  It's so raw and current and all I can write when I sit down to put myself to it is that I am sick of it.